Let’s start at the beginning…

It’s been a while since I’ve written, so let me say “Hello!”

Last time I’ve posted I was stuck in an airport in Charlotte after I missed my plane for St. Paul, Minnesota. Luckily, I had my faithful friends: laptop, ipod, and book, to keep me company. Eight hours actually passed quite quickly, especially since I love airports.

My trip to Minnesota lasted three weeks and boy, I can’t tell you whether I thought that the trip was too long or not long enough. I can honestly say this, I love.

That’s it. I love.

I love my family, my friends; my sweet-faced little nieces and nephews; my worried, talkative aunt; my introverted, haunted cousin; my best friends with whom I have the best childhood memories with. I love knowing that there are people who love me; who are willing to understand, or at least try. I love knowing that if I ever went back, I wouldn’t be alone.

I have amazing people in my life!

Katya- Hmm. Explaining her is an unbelievably difficult task. We met each other through our parents, who went to community college together. We are so different, her and I. We have little in common hobbies-wise. She loves to shop and do her nails, while I can’t stand dressing rooms and cut my nails short. She puts on make up every morning and gets her highlights refreshed every two weeks, while the only part of my routine is putting on face cream She renews her wardrobe yearly, while I still wear some things from ninth grade. She doesn’t understand my deep love for books, or my weird taste in music. She loves pop music and tanning. But, she’s quiet while I talk. She laughs at my jokes. She hugs me when I cry. She has this ability to just… sit with me. Maybe I can’t discuss the theory of relativity with her, but heck, who can I discuss it with? But, I can share the deepest, most sincere thought with her and she just… listens. So that’s why when she and her mom took me out on a shopping spree, I just shut my mouth and let them dress me up like a doll. In fact, I quite enjoyed getting new, colorful clothes. Why? Because I new they bought them because they loved me. And likewise, I guess that’s why she sits through my boring rants and discussions.

I used to think Katya wasn’t deep or even smart, but I’ve learned. I’ve learned that despite the fact that she stills spells like a twelve-year old (<3) she is wise beyond her own knowledge. I miss my shy, quiet, modest Katusha.

Ira- My dad and her dad are friends from way back when, when we still lived in Russia. That’s how we met. We were the first people they came to in America. We are so different, but in a different way than Katya and I are. Ira is small, thin, blue-eyed, and golden-haired. She is friendly and mature. She’s been working and driving since she was legally able to. She is nice to her brother and sister. She actually goes out with friends.

Sometimes we don’t have much to talk about and sometimes it’s hard to find something, but just being with her is awesome. We have fun just singing old Russian pop songs and reminiscing about the times when we created synchronized dance moves to said songs, probably secretly wishing that we were brave enough to do that again. And you know, we have a lot of memories together and I think that is what helped us not to grow apart, because it would have been so easy to do. But I thank God that she’s still in my life.

She understands me, and I think that’s what’s most important. Not to be identical in nature, but to just be happy with each other. She understands why I love just staring out onto a sparkling lake, silent. And she can just sit there and look along with me. But she also understand why sometimes I just laugh hysterically for no reason and she’d laugh along with me.

I love them.

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Rhythm of the world…

Maybe it’s because I’ve been watching to many Victorian movies or reading too many Jane Austen novels, but the way the world worked until recently was by horse, rigid social order, fancy long dresses, and handwritten sentiments.

Boy, being at the airport for 6 hours has brought me back to reality, that’s for sure. Here I am, sitting in my little corner of the airport, listening to music, typing away on my laptop… but I can’t help but notice how amazing it is for so many people of different genders, cultures, colors, beliefs to gather in this one place for a single purpose. Sure, they’re all busy…. they have snotty kids throwing tantrums as they try to juggle luggage, purses, phones, and tickets; they’re late and cursing at the customer service, or engrossed in their phone or current technological gadget as they wait for the miracle of flight to sweep them off of the ground and land them, safely and soundly in a different place where they can hug their loved ones, or attend a funeral, or be present at an important meeting that may cost them their career.

But, amidst this mad frenzy of busy people you can’t help but notice that knowing look people exchange with each other, whether it be over kids, or the service, or the food, or their mutual tendency to be late as they lumber across the airport, luggage bumping and hitting others by, who would also exchange mutual looks of annoyance.
It’s strange, but for a moment, these people share something, if not just a long wait for their flight.

Just now, I was sitting at American Bagel watching a crowd of sports fanatics crowded around a t.v. that was showing the world cup. They were all so different. Men, women, young people, older people, serious businessmen, fun-looking college guys… but whenever their favorite team scored they’d all yell and clap and cheer. Right in the middle of the airport. Some certain individuals who secretly rooted for the underdogs, shook their head sadly, but allowed the crowd their victory.

And then there’s the annoyed businessman who harassed the poor woman at the desk.

He was late, but he kept on screaming at the lady: “You should have held the damn plane for me! I was A MINUTE LATE!!! No, hell no, I’m not paying for this.”

I kept on staring at him because my sociology antenna had been sparked… I was interested to see how everyone would react to this deviant. How dare he deviate from the social order? How dare he not smile and nod and be polite?

I’ll admit, he was a dick, but an interesting dick nonetheless.

Then, when I went to eat, he ended up behind me. He seemed nice.

Except after he was done eating, he left his junk on the table. Didn’t throw the wrappers away or anything. He didn’t even crumple them up, he just left them lying around just as they were.

Self-reverential disregard for basic courtesy probably bred by his high status job and Armani suit.

At least he didn’t feel like he was better than eating at American Bagel.

They serve delicious food. 😀

Anyways, I guess this’ll be it for my “musings”, if you can call this that. Lol.

I’ll go back to nourishing my voyeuristic tendencies.

Have a great day. Remember: get enough sleep. At least 8 hours a night. It really does make a difference. (Advice from an insomniac.)

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It’s been a while, but let me say, “Hello!”

It really has been a while since my last post, so I’ll fill you in on what has happened.

#1. I am graduated!

I am officially an adult now. A college student.

Wow. It still seems almost surreal to me. 18 years of being under my parents’ wings, under their care and love and now it’s over. One hot day, a walk across the stage, a piece of paper, and I’m done.

I guess, I’ve always relied on my parents for everything, despite having a strong sense of independence.

Ever since I was 8, I thought I was fine being alone; that I could take care of myself. It’s only now that I’ve come to the realization that my dependence on them reaches far beyond the material.

It’s hard breaking away, but I think I’ll do well in “life.” I’ve had amazing people in my life who’ve taught me all I need to know.
There were other things on my list that I’ve wanted to talk about, but I’ll leave that for later. I have  things to do, suitcases to pack, doctor appointments to go to, and college forms to send in.

Have a great day, and remember:

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. ~Maria Robinson

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Topic Journal 6/12:


Like portals into worlds unknown, they are so sacred. Like escape routes from reality, so comforting. Just holding one in my hands, feeling its weight as I leaf through the thin, membrane-like pages, brings a feeling of immense, ethereal joy to my heart.

Books have been there for me when all I needed was a shred of hope; hope that made me feel like, yes, anything is possible. They’ve been there to anchor me back into a world of reality. But this reality was easier. Easier than the one I exist in. However, for a moment I could forget. For a moment I could run through fields of poppies, or climb the tallest mountains, or hunt dragons, or make potions, or hide in underground tunnels.

For a dear 200, or 300 pages I was immersed into a world so different from mine, yet so cherished all the same. And when it was time to flip to that very last page, I felt actual sadness. As my eyes ran over the black letters, the sentences, I felt as if I was saying goodbye to the dearest friends.

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May I begin this lovely post by saying, Pride and Prejudice has to be my favorite movie ever. I haven’t seen any of the earlier ones or the one with Colin Firth, whom I respect deeply as an actor, but reject as the ultimate Mr. Darcy. My favorite version, in other words, the only version I’ve seen is the one with Keira Knightley as Elizabeth Bennet and Matthew Macfadyen as Mr. Darcy.

Now, I am not the best fit person to judge all of the Darcy’s, but I’ve seen pictures and Matthew by far makes the best Darcy. I mean just look at him.

He looks quiet, dark, and brooding.

That brooding stare.

He looks menacing and enchanting at the same time.


Oh! His beautiful, piercing eyes during that conversation in the rain!

You know what? My EYES rained. Swear.

My heart melted when he smiled and Elizabeth.

Low quality photo. High quality adorable-ness.

Can you really compare this Mr. Darcy to any of the other chumps you see here?

Waiter. Bring me your finest Mr. Darcy. Ah yes! The middle one on the bottom row! That's the one.

Now. Before I keel over with love for this man, I have to say, out of all the choices that I can make regarding the ultimate Byronic hero, it would definitely be… well, before I make a choice, let me think this through.

Mr. Rochester, from Jane Eyre: Now, my infatuation with this man has quelled quite a bit. Considering I used to dream about this man. I just know, that if I were to love him, I’d get hurt. He would want to marry me and by agreeing, I would unknowingly commit the crime of bigamy. Not only that, he would constantly call me unattractive. Right, right Mr. Edward Rochester. You’re not an Abercrombie model yourself.

Heathcliff, from Wuthering Heights: I have to admit that there’s some kind of dangerous attraction surrounding Heathcliff. You know, he’s hot, misunderstood, deep, and passionate. I imagine him standing on the top of a cliff with the wind blowing through his long, dark hair. However, snub this man once and he runs away, gets rich, and comes back only to haunt your brother and kidnap your daughter.

Rhett Butler, from Gone With the Wind: He’s the epitome of attractiveness. He’s smooth with the ladies, dark, and cunning. However, he would soon tire of my mischievousness and equal cunning that when I truly did profess my love for him, he would completely stop giving a damn.

The Phantom of the Opera, from “duh”: This guy has mad talent. Any voice as beautiful as his would make me weak in the knees. However, I would be frightened of his voyeurism and stalker-ish behavior. And honestly, when people begin to die, that’s when you know you’ve made a mistake in choosing Mr. Right.

Lestat, from Anne Rice’s novels: Lestat. Lestaaaaaaat. The hot, dark, intelligent, artistic, brooding, misunderstood vampire. What could you NOT love about that? I mean, he’s got the perfect body and you’ll never have to be worried that he’ll get that ol’ beer belly with age. But. There’s a big huge BUTT. #1. He’s thirsting for human blood, and no he’s not a sissy vegetarian vampire. #2. Unless you’re willing to be changed in a vamp, be prepared to die. Not that I wouldn’t want to die, at some point LATER in my life, but definitely not while we’re in the middle of passionate love-making. Everyone knows that’s when vampires get reckless. Duh.

Edward Cullen, Twilight: He sparkles. Nuff said.

Claude Frollo, from The Hunchback of Notre Dame: Ok, why is that even a choice? Sure, he’s smart, but he’s balding prematurely and he practices weird voodoo. Plus, if you turn him down he’ll send you to jail to be tortured. And then hung. Woo!

James Steerforth, from David Copperfield: Well, he’s handsome, brilliant, charming, popular, rich, and slick. He’ll take you to travel, buy you bling, bling. He’s a high roller. AND A USER. What he’ll do is pretend to love you and with a promise of marriage take your womanhood, ruin your reputation, and leave you all alone to fend for yourself in a country whose language you DO NOT KNOW which would force you to rely on luck and the kindness of poor strangers to find your way back home. When you do come back home, you’d be to ashamed to return to your loved ones so  you’d go and live in a whorehouse only to be found malnourished and weak by your loving uncle.

How can they compare to Mr. Darcy?

Mr. Darcy, the man who may be all too blunt, but is handsome, dark, intelligent. Who is truthful and kind. Who loves you, despite your constant spiteful remarks and blatant disregard of common courtesy. Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy, rather unfortunate name but nonetheless, he’d love you, propose to you in the rain and continue doting on you even when you refuse him and call him arrogant and cruel. Yes. Then he’ll continue helping your family out and in the end propose to you again in which situation you have to be either a heartless automaton or a retard to say no.

None of this was grammatically correct, but this post must go on, for the sake of lovely Mr. Darcy.

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Thanks Tylenol PM…

and rainymood.com. Yeah, yeah. I know I’m talking about this site way too much. But in all honesty, I recommend it to everyone. It has healing powers, I swear. Acne, flu, herpes…. it can do it all!

Joking aside, rainymood is a really good stress reliever. I have to thank my friend, Jeremy, for recommending it to  me.

Last night, I got fed up with this whole insomnia bit I’ve been going through. I’ve always had sleeping problems, even as a child, but I’ve pretty much forgotten about them the last five years… until the past three weeks came and pretty much killed any drop of sanity I had left.

The thing is, I’m not telling my parents yet because I know how they’ll react. They will take away all electronics and act extremely paranoid over everything I do. We’ve gone through this before. But in all honesty, the only reason why I’m on my laptop ALL THE TIME, is because I’d go insane just lying around, staring at the ceiling, and thinking “what if” thoughts.

Anyways, despite an excellent night of sleep yesterday, I figured it was time to do something a little more drastic than rain because this lack of sleep was having a HUGE effect on my body and immune system. So I went to Wal-Mart and bought Tylenol PM.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m  not a pill popper. In fact, I’m the last person in the world who would take pills due to my addictive nature. But, Tylenol really helped me. I got around TEN solid hours of sweet, dreamless sleep.

Tylenol PM wasn’t the only thing I got last night. I also decided it was time to up my beauty regimen so I purchased Sally Hansen facial bleach. Ahem.

That's not me! I swear!

I swear that is NOT me.

It’s not that I’m particularly hairy on my face, but I am dark haired and fair skinned so any fluff shows up real easily. Not to get into details, it helped. Only thing is, I didn’t realize it would bleach  MY SKIN too!!!

And I have graduation rehearsal to go to today.

Thank God for modern cosmetic miracles because I am definitely using LOTS of cover-up. Thanks a lot for the warning, Sally.

Well, I’m up. Headache-less and full of energy! It’s time to eat a little breakfast, finish that weeding job I was supposed to do yesterday, tidy up the house, and then relax and enjoy the summer.

Oh! And Jessie is supposed to come over today. Yay!

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Summertime and the livin’ is easy.

What can I say about summer that everyone else doesn’t already know? I mean, we all love lazy summer mornings, having unhurried brunch while listening to National Public Radio, and lounging around on the deck sipping on lemonade.

Wastin' away in Margaritaville.

Remember that Strawberry smoothie I was talking about earlier? Well, I had leftovers that I had placed in the freezer.

After I came back inside from the blistering heat, back aching from all that weeding…. wait, sorry. I can’t keep my face straight.

Lies! Basically, what happened was that I gave up on the weeding because the earth is hard and dry and I don’t have the proper gardening tools to do the work. I’m going to drive to Home Depot today and get some tools. Promise.

Anyways, all I did was lounge around on the deck and tan. It was still nice to come inside and have a nice, cool snack. I took the smoothie out of the freezer, blended it, poured it into a pretty little glass, and voila! It was a delicious slice of Siberia. (Excuse the allusions to Russia. I can’t help it.)

Here’s the recipe:

1 cup of low-fat buttermilk

20 strawberries

1/2 cup of blueberries

honey to taste

Makes about 2 servings.

Just blend it all and enjoy. You may like it better if you cool it first; I like it either way.


My first topic journal will be about summer. Enjoy!

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